Different Reactions, Same Outcome: Why You’re Still Stuck

What if the reason you feel stuck isn’t because you’re doing the wrong thing…
 but because you’re reacting in different ways that all lead to the same outcome? 

In this episode, we build on a real conversation from the Therapist Incubator and name a pattern that shows up across therapy, business, and decision-making: 

Different reactions… same outcome. 

You can: 

•  push harder 
•  stay busy 
•  try every strategy 

Or you can: 

•  hesitate 
•  wait for clarity 
•  avoid taking action 

And still end up in the same place: Frustrated. Unclear. Not moving forward.
 
We break down how this pattern shows up in: 

•  therapy sessions with clients who are engaged but not changing 
•  private practice growth when effort doesn’t translate to traction 
•  the internal experience of therapists who feel busy but stuck 

We also explore: 

•  how over-functioning and under-functioning create the same result 
•  why therapists get pulled into roles that don’t belong to them 
•  and how slowing down becomes a skill, not a setback 

This is not a “do more” conversation. It’s an opportunity to see the system you’re operating in… and choose how you want to respond to it.

About the Therapist Incubator

The Therapist Incubator is a professional learning space where clinicians explore the real operational challenges of building and sustaining a private practice. Through collaborative dialogue and systems thinking, participants examine the business, structural, and relational aspects of practice ownership.

Learn more about the incubator at:
www.thelizdavidcollective.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back to the Incubator Podcast. Hi, this is Liz with the Therapist Incubator, which is a part of the Liz David Collective. If you're new here, this podcast is a window into some real conversations that are happening inside of a space where clinicians are building and growing their private practices. And before we get into this episode, I want to give you a quick guidepost just on how to listen. Don't think of this as homework. This is not a list of things to fix. Think like a therapist. This is a lens. This is a perspective. So as you're listening, I want you to have one situation in mind: a client, a decision, or something in your business that's feeling stuck. You're not going to be trying to solve it while you listen. You're just trying to see it more clearly. And if you can do that, this episode is going to do exactly what it's supposed to do. So in the last episode, we talked through a situation where the work looked right, but nothing was really changing. In the last episode, we talked through a situation where the work delete. In the last episode, we talked through a situation where the work looked right, but nothing was really changing. And what sat underneath that conversation is quite honestly a pattern that shows up everywhere. It shows up in therapy, it shows up in business, and it shows up in just how we operate. That pattern is this different reactions, same outcome. You can respond to a situation in completely different ways. You still end up in the exact same place. Frustrated, stuck, questioning what's not working. So let's stay in that therapy room just for a minute longer. You have a client or a couple, they're showing up, they're engaged, they're doing the work. But as a clinician, you're noticing that something isn't shifting. And as eyes from the outside, it can look like two very different things. You might have clients who are overfunctioning. Think about it. They're doing everything. They're doing all the assignments, they're following every suggestion, they're engaged in all the conversations, they're doing every step. They're checking all of the boxes. And to us, it looks like progress. But when we really slow it down, they're not actually engaging with the part that creates change. They're staying at the surface. Now, on the other side, we'll have clients who are underfunctioning, who are avoiding, deflecting, and doing whatever they can to stay out of those harder conversations. From the outside, these two can look like two completely different situations. One is doing everything, one is not doing enough. But the outcome, it's the same. No real movement. And here's where it gets more complicated because as the therapist, as the clinician, we start responding to that. So think about it. When a client is overfunctioning, you might start to pull back. You think, they're doing everything. Why isn't this working? And when a client is under functioning, you might lean in. You might push more, guide more. You're trying to create movement. So now you have two very different therapist reactions. If you're overfunctioning, you pull back, but if you're underfunctioning, you're pushing in. Different reactions, same outcome. You end up feeling frustrated, ineffective, like you're spinning your wheels. And then something subtle happens. You start to overfunction. You try harder. You explain more. You try to create clarity. And without realizing it, you've stepped into a role that doesn't belong to you. This is why so many clinicians find case consults and supervision and therapeutic groups where we are processing and talking so vital in our development. We as clinicians want to make sure that we are not causing these types of challenges with our clients. We want to make sure that we're not pushing in or pulling out or performing in order to satisfy what we believe the client needs. We're professionals. We know that. Here's the thing. I'm now going to move you back to what we're talking about here: business. Take that exact pattern and move it into your business. Here's the catch. We have therapists who are overfunctioning. They're everywhere. They're posting content, they're joining directories, they're signing up for platforms. They're literally trying every strategy and program and plan, everything they've heard. It looks like effort, it looks like commitment. But when you slow it down, there's no clear direction. There's no deliberate decision making. It's just movement. Now, on the other side, you have therapists who are underfunctioning. They're waiting, they're thinking, they're researching, they're trying to get it right before they act. They're avoiding putting something out there until it's perfect. You see it? Different reactions, same outcome. No traction, no clarity, just frustration. And this is the part that doesn't always get said out loud. Because again, we talk about it as clinicians with our clients and with our practice, but we don't necessarily discuss this when we are talking about our business. Because this is when we're actually starting to feel busy but stuck, active but unclear, committed but not effective. You start questioning yourself: what am I missing? What should I be doing more of? Why isn't this working? Why isn't my practice more successful? And your instinct is to either do more or shut down, which unfortunately keeps the pattern going. So the question becomes: what actually changes this? And this is what I want you to think about. Because the answer is not do more, try harder, add another strategy. The shift is slowing down. I don't mean stopping. I don't mean avoiding. I mean understanding what's actually happening in the system. Understanding it before you respond to it. Because when we're moving too fast, when we don't slow down to pay attention, we're reacting. We tell our clients this. And yeah, when we're reacting, we're staying in the pattern. We're trying to maintain the status quo. Slowing down is going to be what allows you to see the role you're stepping into, notice whether you're overfunctioning, and make a deliberate decision instead of a reactive one. There is a phrase I want you to hold on to. When everything gets a fraction of your attention, everything performs like a fraction. One of my first bosses used to always use that phrase: being a jack of all trades, but master of none. If you really think about it, that's what's happening here. Too many reactions, not enough intention. So here's what I want you to take into your week. Not everything, just one thing. Where are you overextending? Where are you doing more, but not actually seeing any movement? Or on the other side, where are you avoiding? Where are you holding back? Where are you waiting for clarity instead of creating it? And most importantly, where do I need to slow down? Not stop, not fix, just slow down enough to see what is actually happening. If you only do one thing this week, pick that one situation and ask, what would it look like to respond to this instead of react to it? Reminder, you're not behind. You're not missing something. You're likely in a pattern that just hasn't been named yet. Especially when it's in a vein that's unfamiliar or uncomfortable. It makes sense that we lean into just repeating the patterns that are familiar. But once you're able to start seeing it, you have more choice in how you move forward. And we'll keep building on this. Before we close, I'll share one small piece of context. These conversations are unfolding inside our current incubator cohort, and I've genuinely appreciated the depth and generosity of what's happening. We're going to be opening the next cohort in June, and I'll share more details as we move closer. So pay attention to our website and our socials. If you're listening and thinking, I wish I had space to explore these questions in real time with other business owners who are therapists, that opportunity's coming. For now, let this episode spark one thoughtful process for your week. Again, you don't have to solve everything. Just stay engaged and we'll keep building. Until next time.